single motherhood

Lessons from a toxic relationship: part 1

Lessons from a toxic relationship: part 1

lessons from a toxic relationship


Life is a roller-coaster; full of ups and downs, highs and lows, rough and smooth paths.  This is simply life.  It is the same for all of us and we are doing ourselves a dis-service if we believe we will always be surrounded by unicorns and rainbows.

The highs and good times bring us joy, success, and happiness!  What we often perceive as the low and challenging times, will bring us the lessons, understandings, breakthroughs, the opportunities for growth and expansion; and the chance to move into new journeys that we may never have imagined.  And sometimes these new journeys are better than we ever thought possible.

A toxic relationship is not a good place to be.  It can quickly strip you of your light, making you feel unworthy, and unlovable.  It is a challenge.  When I look back on my toxic relationship, I could feel sadness, anger or regret, it would be so easy to sit in this space.  To feel as if everything didn't work out as I thought it may, or that it was unfair.  But I do not want to sit in that dark place, I want to move forward and take the experience as just that, an experience in my life. I have chosen to look at the lessons and what I learned during that time.

Our most important lessons will often be learned in some of our hardest times.  These are the 10 lessons that I learned after walking away from a toxic relationship.  


1: The world needs more kindness 

If there is one thing you can never have enough of, it is kindness. Being kind doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything that someone says or their ways of thinking. But, it does mean showing respect for them as a human being and allowing them to be themselves.

We don’t always know how others are living their lives behind closed doors, or the path their life has taken them on. So a smile, a hello or a listening ear can go a long way to brightening someone’s day and pulling them through a dark moment. 

Often it’s the little things, small acts of kindness that don’t necessarily mean a lot to you but could mean the world to someone else. We don't always need a reason to be kind.  How could you spread a little kindness today?


2: Trust in your intuition and lean on the universe

There is something so powerful about listening to your inner knowing.  Listen to the messages you are receiving in all areas of your life, including in relationships.  Trust that gut feeling.

Relationships should lift you, inspire you, challenge you and push you; all to be the best version of you. They should not make you feel threatened or unsafe. If the people around you are not making you feel good and things don’t feel right, listen to this feeling, this is your intuition communicating with you.

After leaving a toxic relationship, you are likely to pay even more attention to your inner messages and guidance. Trust that you are truly supported by something higher. Lean into this support, know that you are being guided and that everything will always work out for the best.


3: You MUST take care of yourself first  

To be the best mother to your children, you need to be the best YOU that you can be.  You need to make yourself a priority, take care of you and create the best life for yourself.  Focusing on you first and filling your cup allows you to be in a space of healthy mind, healthy body & healthy soul.  This will allow you to make clear decisions, stay authentically true to who you are, and love yourself. 

The happiness & joy that you fill yourself up with will naturally pass down to your children, and through to the relationships around you.


4: Know what your dream life looks like

Your dream life is on the other side of where you are now. If you are in a situation that is not loving, kind or fulfilling and is perhaps scary and dangerous; you are not in a space to create your dream life.

Write down your dream life list - what you want it to look like, and how you want to feel. Then, set some dates to start turning this list into a reality. This is the date that you will take back ownership and power in your life. It may sound scary and daunting, but it’s a good way to give you the courage to take the steps you need to.

Like any goal, you need a plan in place with action steps and timing. In many situations, it is too easy to let time pass by because we think things ‘will change’ or ‘will get better’. You know deep inside what is best for you. So, take some action steps, no matter how small they are.


5: Write it down

Writing is a great way to get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Try journaling for 10-20 minutes every day and releasing your feelings.  If you feel you aren’t being heard in your relationship, try writing a letter to your partner saying everything you want to say. You can then delete it.  Throw the letter in the rubbish, or burn it if you wish! Writing is a fantastic way to let go of the energy that’s within you.

If you don’t feel safe to write on paper or in a journal, type a letter onto your laptop or phone, and delete it instead of saving it. Or go to the library or a local café and write it down on paper, ripping it up and throwing the paper in the bin before you leave.


Read more lessons I have learned from a toxic relationship here.


Photo by Ella Jardim on Unsplash

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